| The Toughest Decision - Choosing Your Childs Guardian |
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| Written by F. Patrick Accisano, Esq. | |
| Sunday, 04 May 2008 19:47 | |
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I have found that the most difficult part of estate planning for mothers usually has nothing to do with money or property. Rather, choosing a guardian to care for the children is the most problematic issue. The thought of someone else raising your kids is tough – it’s worse when your significant other has his own thoughts on the matter. Hard as it is, it’s a choice that must be made. If you do not appoint a guardian in an estate plan and the unspeakable occurs, someone else will decide who raises your kids. It is important – this decision will ease the burden on your kids if something happens to their parents. There is no “bright line” rule for making the proper guardian selection. It depends on your situation. However, there are some rules that can help. Do what is in the “Best Interests of the Kids” – The standard to apply in making your decision is, “based on all circumstances, what is best for my child?” This may seem self-evident, but it can get lost in the process. When weighing your options, start and end with this question. Define Your Ideal – At the outset, make a list of the traits that are most important to you in a guardian. Consider maturity, stability, health, religion, marital status, current relationship with your children, moral values, area of residence, past parenting experience, etc. Defining what matters most will give your evaluations direction. Don’t Worry About Hurt Feelings – It’s the best interest of your child, not your parents, brothers, sisters, etc. Choose the person who is best suited to raise your kids, and forget the rest. Your loved ones should respect your decision. However, if a possibility exists that someone will contest your decision, you need to tell your attorney. Make a Comprehensive List – Write down as many candidates as possible. Go beyond (but don’t exclude) your family. Then, applying the factors described here, and all other relevant criteria, narrow the list to a select few. Leave Little to Chance – Your estate plan may not become effective for years. When it does, you will not be able to give further instructions. Thus, try to minimize chance and plan for the unexpected. Discuss your plans with the persons you have selected to see if they are willing (you can’t force a guardian to serve). Even if they are, name at least one alternate guardian as a back up in case your primary predeceases you or changes her mind. Be Time Sensitive – The guardianship provision in your estate plan may govern your children for years, especially if they are young. Thus, you must be time and age sensitive. While your energetic 65-year old dad may be great with your toddler, he may be unable to keep up with the demands of your teen when he approaches 80. Work as a Team – If possible, it’s best for the estate plans of both parents to reflect each other to avoid conflicts. Act as a partnership. Before beginning, both parents should agree to engage in a dispassionate analysis, and to take no offense at the good faith opinions of the other. This list is a starting point, and you will likely identify additional concerns. But it’s worth the effort – a meaningful analysis by you will help your attorney prepare estate documents to assure that your instructions will protect your kids when they need it the most. F. Patrick Accisano is a partner with the Accisano Law Offices in Freehold. Visit www.acclegal.com with questions.
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| Last Updated on Sunday, 04 May 2008 21:23 |
